Apologies
by Enabeans
Summary: Abel reflects how hard the word 'sorry' is to say. Mars colony era. COMPLETE.


****_A/N:- A Mars era Trinity Blood story, written for my lovely Mako and the prompt: 'apology'._

**Apologies**

The date, if it could be called that, had _not_ gone well.

The confession to Lilith that Abel wanted to be more than they already were had been clumsy, slurred out while incredibly drunk. Her hands had been so gentle on his face, always so perfectly gentle as she tended his bruises and cuts, warm and soft and infinitely comforting. He had tilted his face into her palm, alcohol lowering his inhibitions enough to murmur something incomprehensible that she had somehow understood... just like she always understood him, just like she always saw through the façade to the truth underneath.

Anyone would have been reasonable in assuming she would say no. After all, Commander Nightroad was hardly a catch for a beautiful woman – angry,rude, violent and taciturn. Yet she saw what nobody else did, what nobody else took the time to see. The frightened child who had never grown up, lashing out at everyone to hide the hurt and fear, the boy who still desperately wanted to be loved. He didn't hate the world, he loved it, and that's why he was so hurt... she just wished he could see it.

He had taken her to the mess hall, barely saying two words to her on the way there. He was embarrassed and hopeful and frightened all at once, heart thumping hard in his chest and pronounced scowl on his face hiding his true feelings. He wasn't good with vulnerability, he didn't _want_ to let anyone inside where they could potentially hurt him. Not that he thought Lilith would, he trusted her implicitly, it was just... he was a coward, too afraid of the possible outcome to take the risk. She didn't seem to mind his silence or frown, walking beside him with a small serene smile that said she was content in his company and would be patient until he was ready to talk to her.

It never got to that point.

Abel had seen two colonists glance their way, and it had all been over. It had more than likely just been an innocent look; but Abel, already tense as a bowstring, had leapt to the conclusion they were judging them for being out together... laughing behind their backs at the lab rats trying to emulate human relationships. The first colonist hadn't even seen the punch heading for his face, the sharp crack of bone horrifically audible in the silence as Abel's fist broke his jaw cleanly, sending him to the ground like a marionette with cut strings. He hadn't stopped, wheeling on the other and kicking out for his midriff with a vicious precision, alarms sounding and security personnel coming running to subdue their superior officer... it was a mess, a mêlée of flying fists and feet. Yet the worst thing, stinging far worse than the cracked ribs Abel had sustained before being subdued, was the look of disappointment in golden eyes as he was dragged away.

"You really are an idiot, Abel."

A familiar voice pulled Abel from his reverie on the floor of his solitary confinement cell, looking up to see his twin on the other side of the glass. Such a contrast, the same face and yet arranged in a benign expression. He raised his hand to press against the glass, a gesture repeated hundreds of times from their childhood; not much had changed with the picture, but for the addition of glasses on Cain's nose and the insignia of rank on both their uniforms.

"You need to apologise."

Abel frowned, not moving from where he was sat with one knee up against his chest, shaking his head slightly in response.

"They deserved it."

"They were only looking at you."

"They were _laughing_ at us. Don't you get it?" Abel's voice was bitter, tiny humourless smile tugging his lips up. "They never 'only look', we're a freak show to them and that's not going to change. You might lay down and take it, but I'm not going to. We're better than them."

Cain shrugged slightly. Privately he agreed with his brother, but Abel wouldn't ever learn that petty displays of violence weren't going to get them anywhere except thrown in here. "You should still apologise, it was hardly becoming behaviour for a date."

Abel's only response was a dull look that told Cain to shut the hell up if he knew what was good for him. He didn't want to discuss Lilith, he didn't want to discuss the humans, he didn't want to be reminded of all his failures over and over again. It made him want to scream all the more, rage and fight and furiously claw at the world around him until everything that hurt his family was gone. Cain waited for a few minutes more, just watching Abel stew in his own impotent rage, before quietly walking away.

Perhaps one day he would learn.

The silence stretched onwards... stretched and stretched... until the white walls of the cell became dark and dank, smelling of the Earth. Until the Commander's uniform had torn away many times over and been replaced by rags stained with blood, and until everything that Abel had _believed_ hurt him had finally gone, leaving him all alone at last. Trembling fingers pressing to the glass of a coffin that housed someone who had never deserved to die, forehead coming down to hit the rim of the lid with a dull thunk. And finally the silence was broken, the sound small and raw with grief, and far... far too late.

"...I'm sorry. I'm so... so sorry."


End file.
